Anesu, our South African correspondent, tells us about the pressures he feels to lose his virginity.
I believe that being a virgin (which I am) in the 21st century comes with a lot of pressure. We’ve come to live in a day and age where losing your virginity and having sex has become part of the ‘things to do when I’m in high school’ list.
Growing up I was told that sex was for marriage. My mother drilled it in my head as I was growing up – so I knew that I’d have to wait. It was not something that I had to do, but it became something that I wanted to do the older I got. In my early teens I used to think that the no-sex-before-marriage rule was like punishment, but I’ve come to realise the benefits of waiting. I know that in the meantime my focus should just be on what I was put on this earth to do and along the road I’ll meet someone who I’ll spend the rest of my life with.
I think sex is something everybody looks forward to. There are obviously fears about how it’s all gonna go down the first time. I believe there aren’t awkward moments but awkward people… so if my partner is an awkward person, then a night of James Bond-type love making is definitely out of the picture.
Almost everybody feels the pressure of doing it right the first time, so much so that they actually become anxious about the first time they have sex. I think if you have great expectations then it will lead to a great future, so happy thoughts are important. I don’t really bother to think of it as “I know it’s gonna be a long time before it happens” and I’m perfectly content and happy with it.
There are times where I’m just like “you know what… I don’t know about this waiting thing,” but the more I try to really understand what the point of waiting is, the more I discover the reason for waiting.
At the end of the day, the decision is yours and no one can tell you what to do and with those decisions you’ll be the one left with the outcome. So it’s best to just do something because YOU want to and not because someone told you.