Kome Olori|02.01.2014|Feature
Starting the New Year with a new relationship? Would you still talk to your ex?

I recently attended my childhood friend’s wedding. It was a happy day, and although we had grown apart over the years, she still remains one of my best friends and I was truly excited for her. Like most wedding guests, I couldn’t keep my eyes from going teary as my friend and her handsome beau said their vows, the sincerity of their love, so clear to see.

The highlight of the wedding, however, was watching the bride’s ex-boyfriend out-dance everyone at the reception. Not only was he boogying without reservation, it was obvious (through their interaction) that the couple had no problem with his presence. In fact, they both looked pleased that he was there on their special day to the bafflement of many, including me.

Over the rest of the weekend, I couldn’t help thinking about my newly married friend and her ex-boyfriend. Can people who used to date stay friends after they break up? And should they? I pondered. These are questions I would have liked to have posed to my most regrettable ex-boyfriend, but seeing as he was unavailable, I decided to ask the dudes around me. After all, apart from them being more likeable, they would be more inclined to tell me the truth than an old flame.

To start with I strolled over to my friend and colleague’s desk in the far corner of my office to ask his opinion about my dicey subject. I sloppily scribbled the following question on a yellow post-it (because I didn’t want people within ear-shot to misinterpret my interest):

“What do you think about exes staying friends?”

I knew I was on to something when he scribbled his reply amidst loud, mischievous laughter:

“To keep enjoying the benefits.”

Of course my curiosity was further pricked by his risqué reply that, I simply had to hear more and I pestered him till he told me. According to him, the only reasons a guy would stay friends with his ex-girlfriend are because: A) he is sure to get more sex from her when she is vulnerable and B) he can enjoy the sex without any commitment even when he eventually gets another girlfriend.

For as long as they are in touch, she would always be a potential bed mate for times of drought. Besides, he already knows all the buttons to push so she should be easier to seduce than a new chick.

Our post-it note conversation continued.

“What about love then?” I wanted to know.

“What love?” He said.

“When you have broken up? There is no love there now because one person must have decided to end the relationship and the other person is either nursing a broken heart or damaged pride. The only thing left then is not love; it is either pity or weakness”.

Honestly, I wasn’t shocked by his perspective after all he is a man! But I certainly was expecting something different when I text a girlfriend to ask for her take on the matter.

Click here for the girl’s perspective.

This post has been made with our friends at Shuga. See the post here.

Do you think it’s okay for exes to continue having sex?

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