May Alba|08.01.2014|Feature Real stories Someone Like Me
If you’re honest nothing can go wrong

Idealising is not for me. It is a waste of time and emotion. To me there is no point in developing great expectations, because I believe they only lead to heartache and sadness, two things I have no time for.

So that’s the way I have treated every relationship I’ve been in: my parents stopped being “my parents” to me around the time I was in 4th grade; I started seeing them as humans, as people, ordinary beings that had humbling flaws. It is not because they lacked car-lifting super strength, or the ability to magically end the world’s problems. Simply put, I realised we all have blemishes.

Since I am not perfect, how can I demand perfection from others? Who am I to judge? My best friend is my best friend because we never judge each other. We clicked because we both felt that there are better things to do with our time than worry about how we should behave in order to make other people around us comfortable. I stopped trying to “fit in”. I stopped caring about conforming to the role of a perfect socially respectable girl.

I started being honest with myself, for myself.

Honesty is one of the most important things in my life. In my book, if you’re honest nothing can go wrong. And I’m not talking about being honest bordering on cynicism. Cynics who sell themselves as honest-mongers are a dime a dozen. Being truly honest to myself is the most precious quality I can have, but it too has been the most difficult to maintain. It can be very easy to lie a little, to hide something from others just so you don’t get in trouble but, if you lie to yourself you are digging a hole you won’t easily escape.

Every time I meet someone new, all I ask for is honesty, because that’s all I can offer. I can promise a reliable friendship. If you get lucky I can promise a great time in the sack. But I can’t promise you eternal love or that I’m going to like the same music you like or that I’ll go to your family’s Christmas dinner, or even be the plus-one at you sister’s wedding.

I like to clear the air and be upfront about who I am. Because, we’ve all seen it, just at the end, at the so-called “breakup” as we part ways we want to come clean and both sides have something to regret. I don’t have that in my system. Not one ounce of remorse. Not from my last one-night stand, not from f**king a stranger in the parking lot. Why should I? I wanted to do it and I had (as always) a condom in my purse.

I have no regrets about not moving in with a guy, not even about skipping the Christmas dinner with my family. And when it comes to breaking someone’s heart? You get the picture.

I would regret getting pregnant. I’d regret losing my best friend. I’d regret getting so drunk that I don’t remember what happened last night. I’d regret changing who I am for a guy. I’d regret lying to myself. So I just don’t do it.

May is one of the stars of our documentary My Sex Life & Everyone Else’s, which featured on
MTV UK. Watch it here.

Follow May @maycupcake

If you’re in a relationship, are little white lies okay? Or should you always be honest?